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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22831039">Gamer's Delight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koykoi/pseuds/Koykoi'>Koykoi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Legend of Zelda &amp; Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors, Wreck-It Ralph (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Complete, F/M, One Shot, Parody, Sexual Humor, Slice of Life, Some Humor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:28:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,376</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22831039</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koykoi/pseuds/Koykoi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Check out Link, Zelda, and the rest of the characters of Breath of the Wild in a Wreck-It-Ralph inspired slice-of-life with visiting characters from Hyrule Warriors. Its just another day in the life of a protagonist of a successful video game franchise.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Link &amp; Zelda, Link &amp; Zelda (Legend of Zelda), Link/Zelda (Legend of Zelda)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Gamer's Delight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>AN: Just felt like writing something silly and short-lived. The story is set in BOTW with a couple of visiting characters. There are no Wreck It Ralph characters in the story but it helps if you've seen the movie since I've used some concepts from the film.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Explosive blasts and the screeching of angry monsters echoed through Link's ears above the droning of pouring rainfall. Moments later, clods of mud pelted him which further obscured his vision already blurred by the heavy downpour. He wiped his face and pulled the cloak on his head further down to clear the muddy rivulets flooding his eyes. His muscles tensed in anticipation from his crouched position from behind a large boulder. Without thinking, his hand began reaching for the master sword on his back. He stopped when he realized he could no longer hear the shrills of bokoblins rising above the sound of rain.</p><p>Link stood up straight and walked out from behind the boulder wary of his surroundings. He stood facing an empty campsite. The weather had drowned the firepit at the center of the camp. He looked at the discarded food and other trash thrown about, which was typical of a bokoblin camp. His eyes honed in on the thing he was most interested in–a treasure chest made of stone and carved in the shape of a two-horned skull. The treasure chest sat on a wooden platform raised several feet off the ground and it grinned down at him with purple glowing devil eyes.</p><p>It was still sealed shut.</p><p>Link groaned and let his head hang back limp for several minutes, not caring if his face was further pelted by the ongoing rainstorm. Eyes closed, he imagined the gray-streaked sky above him and listened to the wailing winds. His cloak had fallen back, allowing the chill in the air to nip the end of his nose and the tips of his ears. Thankfully, the rain turned into more of a drizzle and then stopped altogether. He walked over to the cliff ledge which the campsite sat beside and looked over the edge. A sigh rushed out his mouth when sure enough he could see the red life gauge of one of the two black bokoblins who survived the fall after being blasted from their campsite by his rune bombs.</p><p>He looked once more at the skull chest. As long as his bokoblin friend below was still breathing, the chest would remain sealed shut. He took one step and jumped from the cliff ledge. Using his glider, he coasted down to another ledge below. Once grounded, he looked over the edge again and could see the bokoblin wandering around next to Lake Siela aimless and confused. The bokoblin was much closer, and no longer looked like a black dot. Link wasted no time and began bombing the creature until it landed in the nearby body of water. The bokoblin struggled and then sunk. A poof of smoke rose from the spot of its demise and was replaced by bokoblin guts.</p><p>A satisfied smile crept up Link's face when he thought of the treasure chest waiting above. He began climbing back up the side of the mountain and was about halfway back to where he started when mother nature flicked him in the forehead several times as though to say, "Guess who?"</p><p>"Fucking rainnnn!" Adee cried out.</p><p>"Yeah, that really sucks," said the teenage boy standing next to her. "I wouldn't move either if I were you."</p><p>Adee scowled and then glanced at the boy. "You know we close in about five minutes." She pasted on the largest strained smile she could muster. "Thank you for shopping Gamer's Delight. Hope you have a <em>delightful</em> day!"</p><p>The boy leaned back after taking one glance at her smile, and the hostility in her eyes. "Yeah, okay, whatever." The word 'delightful' dripped sickeningly sweet and foul from her mouth. And kind of like she wouldn't mind shoving each syllable up his ass.</p><p>Hands still deep in the pockets of his hoodie, he began shuffling toward the front door of the shop. He was about to step out when he noticed the girl turning back to face the television screen. Link hung perfectly still on a slippery mountain side wearing a dark blue Hylian hood, sky blue champion's tunic and khaki-colored trousers. The boy was about to offer another word of warning when a different girl, the one who'd rang up his purchase just minutes before let out a loud scream.</p><p>"Shit!" she said, running out from behind the check-out counter with her cell phone in hand. She hurried past him toward the other employee. "No! No! No!" She stopped and abruptly turned around to face him. He raised one hand to point at the television screen, mouth opening. "No!" she said, as though admonishing the unwanted attentions of a dog about to jump up on her. "And goodbye!" The boy frowned and then exited the store.</p><p>Adee tried to look around the cell phone screen that kept being shoved in her face, but finally gave up. "What is it?" she asked, shoulders drooping.</p><p>The sounds of the Sugar Hill Gang's Rapper's Delight jumped out from the screen.</p><p>There was a visual of a woman in her mid to late thirties, standing outside the very video game store they worked for. The woman rapped a revised version of the song bearing the store's namesake.</p><p>"Ohhh…" Adee intoned as realization dawned on her. A smile blossomed on her face. "Chessa, your mom is such a…"</p><p>Adee turned to Chessa, who stared at her with a deadpanned expression. There was the slightest twitch in her left eye. Adee bit her bottom lip and turned away.</p><p>"A dork? A-middle-aged-dork-who-seeks-to-end-the-social-life-of-everyone-connected-to-her?" Chessa yelled with dramatic flourish, throwing her hands up in the air.</p><p>"Well, it's kinda funny." Adee said, trying to suppress another laugh. She wasn't sure who was funnier right now- Chessa or her mother. "Your mom's just excited about owning the video game store. And it's not as cringy as that furniture commercial with those two old ladies with the 'tasty' and 'hot' on the seat of their pants. Your mom looks more like a nerdy older sister than a dorky mom."</p><p>Chessa curled her lip. "Let's get out of here. I need a slice of pizza."</p><p>Adee's face got serious again, and she gave Link her full attention once more. "Are you kidding? No way! Not until I get to the top of this damn cliff. It finally stopped raining."</p><p>Link climbed and climbed. Night had fallen, and he just reached the top when ominous music echoed through the store. A red moon and red mist filled the television screen.</p><p>"What the hell? A fucking blood moon! Why now?" Adee shook her head. The color of her face matched the screen.</p><p>When the blood moon had past, Link was standing at the top of the cliff being confronted by the same two bokoblins he had just dispatched earlier. The skull chest still stared down at him from the platform with a toothy grin that mocked. But its purple eyes were now an inviting golden yellow. Sadly, Link reached for his sword when he should have reached for his shield and a boko club sent him flying over the ledge. Adee and Chessa watched in fascination as his body hit the side of the mountain several times and then crashed at its foot in a broken pile of limbs bent at unnatural angles. Silence sat heavy in the room, but Adee's scream shattered it. "Son of a bitttttch!"</p><p>"Ha ha," Chessa laughed, a smirk on her face. "Can we go now?"</p><p>"But the chest, Chessa!" Adee begged, hands raised in a plea. She gestured at the tv screen, her right hand still holding the game controller. "It's right there. So close."</p><p>Chessa glared at her friend with large unblinking eyes that reminded Adee of the eyes of a character in a painting at a haunted house. The kind of eyes that follow you and paralyze your soul.</p><p>"Okay, fine. But I can't leave him like that," Adee pouted, her voice sour.</p><p>When she restarted the game, Link stood on the trail just beside the bokoblin campsite. Chessa snatched the Wii Switch controller from Adee's hands and placed it near the controller of another demo game. "Oh, no you don't my dude. Now let's get the hell out of here." Chessa glared when Adee didn't budge.</p><p>"What?" Adee shrugged. "Don't you ever wonder what happens if you leave the game on and walk off."</p><p>"No. And nothing happens. This isn't Toy Story, Adee."</p><p>"Well, just wait," Adee insisted.</p><p>Chessa let out a loud breath, and stood next to her friend with arms crossed over her chest. She tapped her right index finger against her left bicep not sure what else to do with her restlessness. Together they stared at the screen.</p><p>Link wanted to squirm under their scrutinizing eyes. He wasn't sure if it was his still drenched clothing or actual sweat, but he had to suppress a shiver. Instead, he shifted, scratched and finally… yawned.</p><p>"Oh, my Goddd!" Chessa exploded and grabbed Adee's arm. "Girl, we are leaving!"</p><p>And with that, most of the lights to Gamer's Delight was shut off and its doors were locked.</p><p>It was Link's turn to let out a loud breath.</p><p>"Fucking hell!" he said aloud in relief.</p><p>The two black bokoblins from earlier walked around the corner and towards him.</p><p>"Oi, Link, sorry for knocking you good that last go."</p><p>"It's all right, Bob," Link replied while emptying water from one of his boots.</p><p>"Player walk you right into that one," Bob chuckled in his guttural tone. He had a boko club slung over one of his shoulders.</p><p>"What can you do?" Link waved off his apology. "Where you guys headed?"</p><p>"Gerudo Town," Bob grunted and then pointed at the second bokoblin. "Frank get lady friend. Come with. You get lady friend, too."</p><p>"Uh, yeah, I already have a lady. I don't know if you guys have heard, but Zelda and me are just taking a break." Link said scratching his chin and then letting his voice trail off. "I wouldn't say we're necessarily calling it quits, but just… taking a break… yup."</p><p>Bob and Frank exchanged a quick glance.</p><p>"Who say anything about princess? I say lady friend. Princess is lady," Bob gave Link a sly look and chuckled. "And she has lots of friends in Gerudo town."</p><p>"You pick one." Frank laughed and clapped Link on the back.</p><p>Link gave both bokoblins a side eye. "Yeah, I wouldn't say any of that while you're there guys."</p><p>Bob and Frank turned to begin their journey to Gerudo town. They halted. Bob gave Link the same sly look from moments earlier. "Does princess know about break? We hear she have new Link."</p><p>"New Link?!"</p><p>"Yes, yes. She and New Link go to Noble Canteen in Gerudo Town," Bob replied.</p><p>Link ran his hand through the loose blonde locks on top his head. "Zelda wouldn't do that? She's a princess for fuck's sake!"</p><p>Bob and Frank smiled. Bob pointed at Link's Sheikah slate. "Link give ride? We going same way, yes?"</p><p>When they pulled up in front of Gerudo Town, Link and Bob stepped off the master cycle and untied the rope hitched to the back of the bike. Unfortunately, instead of finding Frank at the other end they found still hot, slimy purple bokoblin guts.</p><p>"Hmm," Link grimaced. "Guess Frank fell off the pot lid."</p><p>Bob held up the rope with one hand, bokoblin guts dripping from the end.</p><p>"I can take that off your hands for you," Link offered, not wanting to sound unsympathetic.</p><p>Bob still quiet and thoughtful, untied the bokoblin guts and hugged them to his chest. He looked up at Link, determined. His large, bulbous red eyes radiated with a loyalty that seemed almost canine.</p><p>"Frank still Bob's wing man. I will keep."</p><p>Link raised an eyebrow. "Uh, okay. You'll have to show me how the wing man thing works… with that."</p><p>Bob walked toward the entrance of Gerudo Town and the two formidable female Gerudo guards standing post on each side holding spears. The two women towered over them. Each wore traditional Gerudo garb and armor. Sitting on top of a silk veil that covered the lower half of their faces were sharp eyes that didn't miss much.</p><p>Bob was undeterred. During normal game play, the Gerudo did not allow men or monsters in town. They suspended the rules after hours when players were no longer present though. A large smile filled with sharp teeth slowly consumed the bottom half of Bob's face. He hid Frank's guts behind his back with one hand as he walked toward the guards.</p><p>"Women like fun. Mystery," he assured Link in a whisper behind his other hand.</p><p>The two guards continued to eyeball Link and Bob as they approached.</p><p>"Hey, Dorrah. Hey Merina," Link gave each a wobbly smile and awkward thumbs up. He glanced at Bob to his side.</p><p>"Sav'saaba Link," Dorrah greeted in Gerudo. There was a warm crinkle in her eyes and friendly recognition in the tone of her voice. "Good to have you back."</p><p>"We haven't seen you in a few days," Merina added, leaning in a relaxed posture against her spear.</p><p>Link didn't have time to respond since Bob wasted no time interrupting. The pig monster infused his voice with enthusiasm and wagged his brows. "Ladies! Who like game of hot potato?"</p><p>Dorrah let out a low breath and then forced herself to address Bob. "What the hell is a potato?" she asked, her tone dull.</p><p>"Frannnkkk!" Bob answered as he threw the guts at a startled Dorrah.</p><p>"Sa'oten!" She cried, fumbling to keep her grasp on her spear and the wet, glistening organ. She threw the guts at Merina, who flung it back to her counterpart just as repulsed.</p><p>Bob feeling proud of himself walked toward both guards with arms wide open, gesturing to himself. "I have more monster parts!"</p><p>"Would you like them sliced and skewered!" Merina hissed, pointing the tip of her spear at his pig snout mere millimeters away. Bob halted and whimpered an undignified squeal.</p><p>"Ha ha. No need for that ladies," Link said, holding up his hands in surrender. He grabbed the bokoblin's arm and then maneuvered both of them away from the angry guards, but toward the Noble Canteen.</p><p>"Good!" Dorrah snapped. "And don't forget to take this other disgusting thing with you!"</p><p>She threw the guts with blinding speed and force. It made a loud, wet smacking sound as it hit Bob straight in the face.</p><p>When they walked into the Noble Canteen, Link gave Bob a warning to stay out of trouble. The bokoblin did a hobbling dance from foot to foot, hands above his head–one still holding onto the guts and fists pumping in the air. He disappeared into the crowd, eager to mingle. The Canteen was crowded tonight. Music played, and citizens from all over Hyrule danced. From the looks of things, a few visitors from another game or two, who shared the same power strip as BOTW, had stopped in for a visit.</p><p>Although surrounded by carousing and merry-making, Link was a man on a mission. He scanned the crowd for the two people he hoped to find. As he moved through the throng, he got the occasional greeting, friendly slap on the back and provided the expected high-five. Despite his searching, there was no sign of Zelda or this new Link. A sense of relief washed over him. Bob and Frank had hustled him for a ride. He rolled his eyes, but the tension in his shoulders loosen as he made his way to the bar to get a drink.</p><p>Link ended up having to squeeze himself between two Gorons facing out from the bar, which made for a nice comfortable pocket shielding him from the rest of the busy crowd. The swordsman ordered a drink from the old grizzled Gerudo bartender Furosa. She was standing to the right of him. However, when he looked up in the mirror to the left, he was eye to eye with himself.</p><p>"You?!" he hissed, pointing a finger at his doppelganger.</p><p>The other Link staring back at him was wearing a long green stocking cap, a green tunic over silver chain mail, and a royal blue scarf. It was Link from Hyrule Warriors. Eyes large and confused, the visiting Link raised both hands and shrugged his shoulders.</p><p>"You're dating Zelda!" Link accused.</p><p>"Yeah. And?"</p><p>"No, you're dating <em>my</em> Zelda? One Zelda not enough for you?"</p><p>"What? No. And once upon a time- no."</p><p>"What?!"</p><p>"I meant that last no for your last question," he grinned.</p><p>"I knew it!"</p><p>"Dude, calm down, I'm just joking with you."</p><p>"Then what are you doing here?"</p><p>"It's after hours. It's a bar. And I'm here to get away from <em>my</em> Zelda."</p><p>"Huh? Oh." Link paused for a long moment to think. He looked Hyrule Warrior Link over, scrunching up his nose. "So… <em>Link</em>. I still have a few questions."</p><p>Hyrule Warriors Link raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Yeah, so you don't have to say my name like you're talking about shit. It's both our name and technically you're calling yourself shit if you're going to keep that up."</p><p>"Fine. I'm Link and your Asshole Link."</p><p>"All right. All right. Chill man." Hyrule Warriors Link laughed. "Truce. And for the sake of avoiding confusion, just call me L. This is your game, so between the two of us you hold on to the namesake."</p><p>Link nodded in agreement.</p><p>"Sooo Link…" L drew out. He had a dark brown beer bottle in his hand. "Your lady is stepping out on you?"</p><p>"No, we're on a break," Link answered, trying not to sound defensive.</p><p>"Is there a reason she needs a break from you?"</p><p>"The break was clean and mutual and implies that at some point it will end… at a time of both our mutual choosing." He said no longer meeting L's eyes.</p><p>Furosa returned with a shot glass of something white and wholesome looking. "Here you go, hon."</p><p>"What the hell is that? Is that milk?" L snatched the glass from Link's grasp. "What are you, an infant? There better be some whiskey in that or a woman attached."</p><p>"Nope," Furosa replied as she zipped by them. L's mouth dropped open.</p><p>"You're drinking a hot toddy on a Friday night? In a bar? Goddess help you!"</p><p>"It's a White Gerudian!" Link glared after Furosa.</p><p>Furosa's lifted eyebrow said, "Is that so?" She returned to wiping up a spill.</p><p>"Well, fuck that," L said to Link and handed his twin the beer in his hand.</p><p>Furosa appeared in a blur. "Try that again and I'll cut you off." She looked down her nose at him and then redirected her ire at Link. "Get a drop of liquor in this one and he turns into a madman breaking bottles and shit like clay pots in a shooting gallery. I'd shake you up and down by the heels of your boots before I'd let you walk out of here with any hidden rupees found inside the bottles of this bar!" L was surprised, but relented. The bar owner looked like she'd caught some wild code during her tirade and her eyes flashed like lightning in a raging storm.</p><p>"Fine. Have it your way baba."</p><p>"If I were really Baba Yaga, I'd turn both your heads into clay pots right now and I'm not sure I could resist smashing them together."</p><p>A mixture of mental exhaustion and exasperation drifted to the surface of L's face, but he kept his mouth shut for once. Link on the other hand had averted his gaze searching for away to change the topic when Furosa stomped off to attend to other patrons.</p><p>With a sigh, L returned to the topic of Link and Zelda. "Well, if you don't know why your lady left you, then I'd say you're as clueless as the bokoblin you walked in with." He motioned with his thumb in Bob's direction. The two Gorons from earlier had already moved off and were no longer obscuring their view. Bob was talking to a young attractive Gerudo woman not too far from them.</p><p>Smiling, he pulled a rupee from behind the ear of the woman. One after another. He moved a fourth time to pull what Link assumed would be yet another piece of jeweled currency from behind the woman's other ear. Instead, he produced Frank's guts. The woman froze when she saw the pulsating organ and then jolted when Bob plopped it in her hands. She hadn't notice yet, but the organ's juices had dripped onto her ear and was dribbling down the side of her face.</p><p>"Eww!" she cried. "What the hell is this?!"</p><p>Bob, still smiling, responded. "Frank! You keep! Rest of Frank come back at next blood moon and he come retrieve guts like Boko-Ella from his new desert princess!"</p><p>The woman slammed the guts into Bob's face, sending him toppling over his seat.</p><p>L snickered, thumping his beer bottle onto the bar, while Link put two fingers on the bridge of his nose and exhaled aloud.</p><p>Link retrieved the bokoblin and brought him back to the bar. "What the hell were you thinking?"</p><p>"I thought I try being wingman for Frank this time," Bob whimpered in his grunty bokoblin voice. He tucked his large pig ears low to the side of his head and his snout drooped.</p><p>"Well, bad icebreaker almost break Bob's face twice," Link huffed. "Put the damn guts away."</p><p>Bob lifted the guts up to Link in surrender.</p><p>"What? You hitting on him too?" L laughed.</p><p>Bob narrowed his glowing red eyes and snorted. "Bob have no pockets!" He said pointing at his loincloth.</p><p>"Yeah, underwear rarely does, bud," L replied.</p><p>The minute Link touched the bokoblin guts, they disappeared into his inventory. He grilled Bob seconds later. "Hey, did you make up that stuff about Zelda being with a new Link?" Link pointed at L.</p><p>Bob stared at Link's twin companion. "No. He Link but he not new Link."</p><p>"What does that mean?" Link asked, throwing up his hands.</p><p>Bob looked into the bar mirror, which also drew the gaze of Link and L. The bokoblin pointed at a new figure. "He New Link."</p><p>Link's eyes widened and then narrowed.</p><p>L shrugged. "It's a small world."</p><p>Hanging off the black-armored arm of the greenest olive-skinned man in all of Hyrule was Link's Zelda. Link's blood was like gasoline that ignited and burned.</p><p>His head whipped around and he directed all his fury at L. "What the hell is <em>your</em> Ganon doing with <em>my</em> Zelda?"</p><p>L's blue eyes were still pools of waters, but they did nothing to quell the flames in Link's. He turned to look at Ganon. Nonchalant, he took another swig of his beer and answered.</p><p>"I have no idea. But I know the guy after hours."</p><p>"What are you talking about?" Link demanded as he returned to burning holes in the arrogant face of his long-time nemesis.</p><p>L gave Link a look as though he were talking to a child having a tantrum. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a purple magnifying glass. "Check it out. I won this in a poker game last week from Ocarina Link." L handed it to Link. "Just look at the guy with this."</p><p>Link huffed out a breath but did as L instructed. The tension in his body relaxed as he stared at Ganon. "Seriously?"</p><p>L's eyes lolled about more in his head. His cheeks had taken on a more flushed color, too. "That's his tell." He gave Link a pat on the back and then snatched the magnifying glass back. "I've armed you better than Navi herself. Now go slay the beast."</p><p>Link made his way through the crowd, which was much easier to do now since Ganon and Zelda had entered the Canteen. Many of the bar's patrons had parted ways upon laying eyes on Ganon. The two had made their way to an area with lounge furniture where they sat comfortable and patient. It wasn't long before Zelda's cornflower blue eyes met with Link's. The princess's gaze shimmered and was lit with satisfaction. Link's jaw ached from the force of his smiling.</p><p>Despite his swirling emotions, he couldn't stop himself from drinking her in. Her long blonde hair hung loose in waves over her shoulders. She was wearing a more slinky version of her white ceremonial dress that he'd never seen before. Legs crossed, he could see she'd traded her brown sandals for more ornate golden sandals of Gerudo design. The sandals had heels and were laced inches past her ankles. Knowing Link was watching her every movement she cuddled up closer to her date.</p><p>He loathed to allow it, but his eyes were drawn in by the one sharing Zelda's company. Ganon stared back at Link. The golden hue of Ganon's gaze burned as though lit by an internal flame and some other unseen force that seem to stretch out beyond his body. Like Zelda, he seemed satisfied with himself. The edges of his mouth curved upward at the same time the edges of Link's curved downward. A wild ferocity entered the hero's eyes. That was until he thought about what he saw through the Lens of Truth.</p><p>Feeling more in control, a more genuine smile shaped his mouth. "You doing okay, buddy?" Link asked Ganon.</p><p>Ganon lounged back on the cushion, his arms spread wide. The magician wore his heavy, black armor trimmed in gold. He'd plaited his red flaming locks into a long braid that hung over one shoulder. An armored arm moved to pull Zelda into a closer embrace. Tell or not–Link's jaw trembled.</p><p>"I dare say I'm doing better than you tonight," Ganon replied, voice deep and smooth.</p><p>"It's just that you look so uncomfortable in that getup," Link pointed out. "Hell, you cleared the room like a bad fart! It must suck to be you."</p><p>Ganon's eyes flickered. If he moved Link didn't see it, but maybe Zelda felt it because her eyes flinched to Ganon. Link took that as a sign that he was on the right track.</p><p>"This is what you evil, heartless types do though." Link went on. "Because you have no real identity outside the game."</p><p>Ganon's cheek twitched now. Zelda stared at his face too. Her lips pinched together to keep herself from saying something to him.</p><p>"Oh, hell!" Ganon said jumping up. Zelda scrambled to her feet.</p><p>"Ganon you promised!" she pleaded, waving a finger at him.</p><p>"Look Zelda. I know I said I would do you a solid," Ganon cried. But I don't need this crap. I've worked too hard and I know who I am outside the game."</p><p>The antagonist of the Zelda series began taking off his armor and then made a grand declaration.</p><p>"And that's the best damn yoga instructor in all of Hyrule!"</p><p>Link snickered at Zelda as Ganon continued on, distressed. "I had a Bad-Anon meeting tonight. And this has really been a setback for me," his voice quavered. "I'm a bad guy but I'm not a bad guy, okay? It's always the same thing with you good girls. You only expect a bad guy to be bad."</p><p>Zelda looked confused, but slapped her hands on her hips as though affronted.</p><p>"This scene isn't even my thing. And that is just a uniform," he replied and pointed at the pile of armor he'd just removed. He now stood before them wearing tight neon green yoga pants with a v-cut tank top. And just as Link saw through The Lens of Truth–a Bad-Anon pin. "Give me some tea, a book, and I'm good to go." He turned to look at Link again. "And speaking of tea, did you know she hates it? I mean who the hell hates tea?"</p><p>This time Zelda's affront was genuine.</p><p>"Tell me about it." Link agreed, nodding his head whole-hearted. "I gave her this cool mug with all these assorted teas for her-"</p><p>"Why the hell would I want a tea set on my birthday? I'm your girlfriend! Not your grandmother!" Zelda burst out.</p><p>"Well, I don't know," Link responded taken aback, clueless as a Bob. "You have that accent? And you're a princess?"</p><p>"Arghhhh!" Zelda's screamed, sounding very much like a teakettle. Link kept his observation to himself. "How about some spontaneity? You won't even let me use your motorcycle or your glider! Or how about the last time we vacay'ed in a neighboring game or took a trip on the internet?"</p><p>"What about our trip to Grand Theft Auto?"</p><p>"That was two years ago!" she said, flinging her anger at him like stones. "Why can't you just be a little bad sometimes!"</p><p>Link stared at her, looking pelted and hurt.</p><p>"Um, yeah. There really is no such thing as bad," Ganon chimed in, which earned him a death glare from Zelda. He shrunk back, but not before saying to Link. "You should know. Zelda and I really are just friends. She did all of this to get your attention." Zelda shot him another look, causing Ganon to raise his palms. "Okay, okay. I will let you guys work this out." Then in a quiet aside, "Don't forget hot yoga on Monday night, Zel."</p><p>Ganon walked back over to the bar where L and Bob still sat observing everything along with Furosa and the few patrons who hadn't cleared the bar.</p><p>"Well, that kicked off fast," L replied from his stool. He got several nods of agreement.</p><p>They watched the pantomime unfolding before them. Angry blue eyes faced off against angry blue eyes. They watched as Link brought forth the menu screen to his inventory. He pressed a button on the display hovering in front of him and was suddenly wearing a bokoblin mask and holding a boko club. He began waving the boko club around and then started pelvic thrusting the air. An angry Zelda grabbed the boko club out of Link's hand and threw it.</p><p>L stared wide eyed and looked at Ganon and Bob, who were just as perplexed.</p><p>"What the hell was that about?"</p><p>"Well, it doesn't look like Zelda liked it." Ganon observed.</p><p>"Too bad," Bob said with a wistful shrug. "Hide the boko club very fun."</p><p>Ganon and L stared at Bob wordless before turning back to the theater in front of them.</p><p>Link ripped the bokoblin mask off and pointed at Ganon.</p><p>"Not bad enough for you!" They heard Link yelled. "How about this then?"</p><p>Link returned to digging around in his inventory. In moments he was wearing the Phantom Ganon Armor.</p><p>"Oh man," L tittered.</p><p>Zelda seemed to find this amusing. She giggled, covered her mouth and then smiled at Link. Link wasn't pleased and lifted the mask off his face part way.</p><p>"You've got to be kidding me!" His voice carried. Zelda leaned in closer. She took her time removing the mask from his face and then threw it in the same direction as the boko club. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her soft, gentle gaze caressed away the anger in his own. They shared silent pleas of apology, along with something else. A contagious mischievousness soon glinted in her eyes.</p><p>Whatever words exchanged between the two at this point was unheard, but after several minutes Link had a giggling Zelda thrown over his shoulder and he was walking toward them. He had changed out of the Phantom Ganon armor and was now wearing the Barbarian outfit.</p><p>"And where are you two going?" L asked with great interest.</p><p>Link paused and cleared his throat, very much aware the eyes on them. "We're going to ride my master cycle to the nearest stable."</p><p>Zelda whose head was hanging behind Link's back muffled out, "And I'm driving!"</p><p>Link let out a breath and mumbled. "She wants to ride Bigfatbztrd."</p><p>L, Bob and Ganon stared at him wide-eyed. Link squirmed under their gazes.</p><p>"Your what?" L sputtered, making sure he heard right.</p><p>"My BigFatb-" Link shifted to better balance Zelda's weight even though he didn't seem to struggle. "My giant horse."</p><p>"Your giant horse?" L asked slow and deliberate. Ganon and Bob shared tight lip expressions.</p><p>"Yes! And what? I didn't name it," Link sniped, eyes flashing warning. "The player did."</p><p>"Whatever man," L suppressed further chuckles and raised his hands like shields. "Call it whatever you want."</p><p>Link turned red-faced and then spun on his heels to walk out of the Canteen. They couldn't see Zelda's face but could see the reddened back of her neck.</p><p>L looked at Bob and Ganon. "Well, I guess it's time for me to go home. Watching those two has made me want to go make up with my Zelda." He finished the last of his drink and walked out of the Canteen, swaying.</p><p>Ganon looked down at Bob. "Hey man, I think there's still time to catch the rest of my Bad-Anon meeting. You can come?"</p><p>Bob shrugged. "You have ladies?" Ganon leaned down and threw a large muscular arm around the bokoblin, causing the monster to all but sink to his knees.</p><p>"Well, yeah. All 'bad' guys and gals are welcome."</p><p>
  <em>The next morning…</em>
</p><p>Link ran to get in a better ready-position when the click of the shop door opening sounded. He stood again on the trail beside Bob and Frank's campsite. He was once more wearing his hood, champion's tunic and khaki-colored trousers. Another blood moon had just come and gone. Frank had respawned and was now waiting in ready-position with Bob in his usual spot.</p><p>Adee and Chessa entered the store.</p><p>"Ugh, I feel like crap. I ate too much pizza last night," Chessa complained, letting her head hang limp to the side as she pulled the key out of the shop door.</p><p>"You left me waiting outside your place forever this morning!" Adee said, walking behind the register counter and to the backroom to put her backpack away.</p><p>"That's because I was in the bathroom!" Chessa fake sobbed, following behind Adee to put her backpack away too. "I think all my organs fell out my ass while I was in there."</p><p>"Ew!" Adee scrunched up her face.</p><p>"TMI?" Chessa asked.</p><p>"TMI." Adee agreed.</p><p>They gave each other a long look and then sputtered out a laugh.</p><p>"Fine," Chessa said, digging into the back pocket of her jeans to pull out her cell phone. "But I'm still going on Amazon to see if they sell a toilet you can strap to your ass. Maybe a motorized one with little wheels."</p><p>Adee rolled her eyes and made a beeline for the demo game displays. She reached for the controller to the Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.</p><p>"Oh, whaddaya know? Link is right where you left him." Chessa looked up momentarily from her phone from behind the check-out counter she was leaning on.</p><p>"Yup, and so is my treasure chest," Adee smiled.</p><p>Link headed into the bokoblin campsite where Bob and Frank waited with weapons in hand. He was ready for their assault and blocked the first blow from Bob's boko club with his shield. Frank followed up with a stab from his wooden spear, which Link also blocked. Link whipped out his master sword and began exchanging blows with Bob again.</p><p>Through gritted teeth, he whispered to the bokoblin. "Sorry, man. Get ready. Try not to land in the lake."</p><p>"Not yet. Not till I tell you about bad lady Bob met at Bad-Anon."</p><p>"She like guts?" Link asked in a low dry tone lost on Bob.</p><p>"She like blood and pigs!" Bob smiled in a way that looked more like the baring of teeth. He could hardly contain his glee. Link gave a half grimace.</p><p>"Goddess Bob. Just wait until tonight at the Canteen. You can tell me and Zelda more than," Link whispered back. He landed a hard, powerful strike against the boko club, which sent Bob shrieking over the side.</p><p>Frank screeched and charged at Link with his spear.</p><p>"Hey what Bob say? Frank want to know too," the bokoblin whispered.</p><p>Link maneuvered past the point of the spear. "How would I know? Go ask Bob," he smirked just before butting him off the ledge with his shield.</p><p>Link let out a quiet sigh and made his way to the unsealed treasure chest on the wooden platform.</p><p>"Ah-ha," Adee yelled. "Victory!" She beamed. "I can't believe I had to do all that for some damn maracas. But damn if it don't feel good!"</p><p>Link left the bokoblin camp and walked back out onto the trail. As he walked down the path, his eyes widened when he came upon his horse from the previous night.</p><p>"What the hell?" Adee cried. "What is BigFatBztrd doing out?"</p><p>"Huh?" Chessa asked, still gazing down at her phone.</p><p>"BigFatBztrd," Adee replied. She recalled stabling him after she last rode him. She turned to Chessa and pointed at the flat screen. "He's out."</p><p>"And? He's out cause you left him out," Chessa answered back half-interested.</p><p>"I guess… maybe," Adee peered at Link. Link was glad he was facing away from the player. He could feel her eyes drilling two hot, burning holes into his back. He didn't dare move. After a long thoughtful moment, Adee smiled and whispered to the television screen. "Maybe I should have named him BigFatSneak. Kinda rhymes with Link."</p><p>She raised an eyebrow when Link shifted at that very moment. The movement was one she had seen before whenever she'd left him idle for too long, but it seemed soon for it to activate.</p><p>Loud, snorting laughter from Chessa interrupted her thoughts. "Hey, come check this out! Amazon has it!" Chessa snickered, still staring at her phone. Adee's eyes flicked upward a brief heart beat. She walked away from the demo game display and went to join her friend.</p><p>The two girls looked up when the bell to the shop door chimed. Three teenagers who were regular customers walked in, followed by a mother and her two young sons a few minutes later. It looked like the Saturday morning was off to a good start at Gamer's Delight.</p><p>The End</p>
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